Struggling…

Almost two weeks ago I completed my first 10K. It would be my longest distance yet. Previously, I had only reached 5 miles in my training but was confident that I could tack on that extra mile when pressed. And what better motivation than to sign up for a race so I HAD to finish.

I had only one goal for the race and it was to run every step. Did I meet that goal? Yes. Yes, I did. I was happy when I crossed that finish line, not only because I did what I set out to do but also because my family was there cheering me on. It was really the first time that they got to see me finish and of course, my kids ran with me the last 10 yards or so.

In the end, my happiness was short-lived. I know that I should be proud of my accomplishment. There are people out there that can’t even walk a mile, much less run 6.2 all at once, so I should be happy, right? I shouldn’t be focusing on my time. Or the fact that I came in LAST in my age group and 4th from last overall. (The other 3 behind me? A old guy with a limp and a mom walking with her 10 year old son who was jogging. Yeah.) I shouldn’t let these things get in my head but they are. They are there and are affecting my motivation to get back to training. This is the part where I confess that I’ve only ran one time since the race…almost 12 days ago. And that run? Yeah…not even a mile. I just wasn’t feeling it. I haven’t felt it since the end of that race when I saw my results. 

Everyone tells me that I should be proud that I finished. And I am…kinda. I am glad that I ran every step of that 6.2 miles. I really am. Now why can’t I be PROUD of it too? I really need to get past this whole time/pace thing. I just don’t know how.

Goals…

Goals are amazing and awesome things to have. The inspire and challenge and create meaning for your life. 

However, what happens when the goals change? Are you a failure because you didn’t complete your original goal? 

This is what I am struggling with right now. One of my goals for 2012 was to run a race a month. The problem is 1) money and 2) these 5K races are actually getting in the way of my half marathon training. The weekends are reserved for my “long runs” and getting up early on a Saturday and racing in a 5K only to turn around and run another 2, 3 (soon to be more) miles just doesn’t seem all that appealing.

I missed a race in February so I guess that is my answer but I was still holding out hope that maybe I could do two in March to make up for it. That’s not looking good though.

So now what? Change my goal? I mean, another of my goals for the year is to run my first half marathon, so can I eliminate the one race a month goal and not feel guilty? Not feel like I’ve failed? Cause right now, I feel like I’m giving up on something and I hate that feeling.